Unimportance?

Have you ever felt unimportant? I know what you must be thinking, silly question, is it not? Of course everyone has, at one fleeting moment in their life, felt the sheer nothingness of unimportance. Well, how do we come to experience such a morose feeling? Indeed, we do not realise it, but the imperfect structure of our society creates an encompassing bubble in which it releases all of its toxic fumes and polluted waters, leaking straight into the rivers of our minds. We let these waters mix with the existing ones, and somehow we shrink, we retreat in those waters, seeking refuge, until we realise we have become tiny, delicate fish, fighting against the seemingly powerful current. We are overpowered by its vicious whispers, its raking claws and the multitudes of thoughts around us, so that we, ourselves, become a part of this current, somehow carried by its silky lies, becoming unimportant.

These days, with the amount of people populating this humongous piece of rock that we call home, it is easy to be carried into the current of popularity and gossip. We somehow feel obligated to follow everything in the news, online, and thus, rendering us small, and powerless compared to these colossal giants in front of us. And, feeling this enveloping veil of unimportance, many simply lose joy in what they love to do, the meaning slowly washed out of everyday life.

Well, I’m here to ring the bells loud and clear and open your eyes to the phonies that surround us. Phonies I call them, yet they did not claim to be the giants we perceive them as. In fact, our perception is key to understanding the mystery behind unimportance. Our fear mixes with the gossip and standards, so, instead of feeling inadequate or different, we conceive this blanket of unimportance out of shear self-preservation, wrap it around our ignorant minds, and keep ticking the time away. However, it is only a matter of time before we all explode. We need to stop feeding this giant corporate monster that inhabits us and people all around us, and start believing in those kind souls that surround us, start living for the everyday miracles that we are graced with. Focusing on your world is the first step to being happy, believe me when I say that I have passed through that momentary doubt of importance myself. I come back now, wiser yet none the braver.

In fact, brave people don’t exist. Simply people who are tired of letting fear steer their lives in the wrong direction, so for just a tiny second they let go of it and find out that they can soar so much higher than they could ever see. So, if you ever need a boost of confidence, look not to the world, or the person sitting next to you, but to yourself. Think of all the beautiful things YOU and only you can create, or the way YOU and only you can explode on stage. Every human was put on this Earth for a purpose, that of being true to themselves. So when you think you are unimportant, ring those bells and stay true to yourself.

I leave you on that good thought, and apologize for not posting sooner. Too many endeavors can sweep a person up in her mundane, daily livelihood. I am back, however, for how long I cannot tell.

– Viki

Jealousy and the Fear Behind It

Recently, I have been struggling to try and find my place in this big, big world. I’ve struggling with my future and with my present and I’ve realized that we are so reluctant. In general, human beings hold back and don’t say what they really want to. And I started thinking about how beautiful the world would be if everyone yelled the first thing on their minds. I guess it would be kind of chaotic as well but wouldn’t it be worth it? To tell that person that you love them or that other person that they have changed beyond recognition. It sounds simple right, a basic kindergarten lesson: be kind to the people around you and tell them what you are feeling. And yet we have still not grasped this concept.

And I myself have some work to do on that front. How many times have I opened my mouth wide to contest this or that thing only to close it back again? Well, I have done that a lot and I am not proud of it. And sometimes we do things that we are not proud of; things that we regret. But that’s ok; we are only human. How many of you have had rash thoughts, that are completely absurd? Well, often these are  mirrors to how we feel and we just need to get them out; sometimes the best remedy is to leak your dam on everyone because otherwise it might explode and rain over the world.

I myself sometimes feel so full of emotions that I just want to burst but then I realize that the best way to resolve what I am feeling is to talk about it with someone and that’s what I am trying to do; share myself with the people around me. But, other times I dry up and clam up. Why? Because I’m afraid. Afraid of making a fool of myself, of being too weak or of even just breaking down. The fear that fills me prevents me from living a happy life. And this is the case for many of us, right: the fear that consumes us is tearing us apart. Well, fear is all in the mind. A concept that twists your tummy up in knots but that in fact doesn’t exist. We are fear; we create it and we let it prevent us from doing what we want to do in life; what choices we will make.

And often fear gets confused with courage. Funny, huh? We tell ourselves by never opening up to others we are protecting ourselves from the danger that the sea contains; the slivering, tentacle monsters. But that is a lie. An excuse. We are simply afraid of the monsters and what will happen when we overcome them. It’s crazy but we are afraid of feeling happy because we constantly try to predict when the next monster will come and when our happiness will come to an end. We are so obsessed with the future that we can’t sit down and just be happy; tell the people we love the way we feel about them, leaving ourselves completely vulnerable. And that’s the thing about life; to live you have to be rendered completely vulnerable so that after the monsters have done what torture they can you will be carried into the depths of the sea and dance to your heart’s content.

Well I will stop hear because I feel like I said what I had to say. It’s ok to feel afraid; it’s human and we are all human but we need to recognize this fear as our own creation.

-Viki

Trying to live my life the way I want to

Hello esteemed humans,

I have returned to planet Earth for only a few hours, so I have to make this short in case I don`t have time to finish my little thought. Anyway, so I was sitting on my desk in front of my laptop and then this strange, fleeting thought consumed me for about a millisecond about how I like, HAVEN`T POSTED SOMETHING IN FIVE MILLION DECADES. I thought about it for a long time and mulled it over in my head until I came to the amazing solution of POSTING SOMETHING ON MY BLOG; would you believe it, I am JUST TOO smart for my intellectual body to handle :).

Well, I was thinking about how people always expect so much from other people and sometimes they don`t notice it, but it can really get in someone`s way of being themselves. The other day, I was talking to a friend and she was talking about how she had made out with her boyfriend and that I wasn’t normal not having one and that I should get on that as soon as possible… ughum, um, *cough, cough* THANKS FOR THE ADVICE BUT, uh, NO THANKS! I am just so angry, but not necessarily at her; I am mad at a bigger, more unanimous force: expectations. I hate expectations and how they have molded themselves into our daily lives, forcing us to deploy their little missiles and all the while trying to deflect others sent at us, simultaneously. These little venomous creatures weave their way into our hearts and make us feel as if we don’t have what it takes. Make us feel as if we aren’t good enough and that we need fixing. But, who are they to say what is normal or not, who are they to decree themselves as “normal” and who are they to even make us believe that a “normal” should exist.

To everyone out there who is feeling left out or like they don’t belong… Here’s a shred of news for you, NO ONE is normal because everyone is different. Not one person on the whole entire planet has everything in common with you; not one. Every single human being is different, so how can a generalized stereotype be diffused when no more than one person will conform exactly to the precise standards? And why, more surprising yet, is everyone accepting this “normality”?

Be who you are, accept the person you have become and never let anyone tell you what makes you, you.

To all you lucky dreamers out there,

Never stop believing because if you wish hard enough, you will fly over the moon with sparkling, shimmering wings and a magical unicorn cow because why not? 🙂

Viki 😉

Creating Something

-Note by Viki-

I have recently been motivated to write and have realized that it’s OK to not be able to write this long and simply marvelous piece as long as I enjoy writing and I do. I love getting lost in my words and most recently my characters. This is the first piece that I write that has dialogue and so much as people in it. 🙂 I’m not quite used to writing about other people that are born entirely in MY mind and not people that surround me. I hope it meets your expectations. 🙂

Here goes:

A Day with Rudolph the Reindeer

 

“Can we go now?! Can we go now!?” Teddy shouted reminding me of the big commitment I had made and making me regret it just a little bit more than I already did. Today was a big day, and Teddy certainly did fail to contain his excitement by jumping up and down on the stairs and by dragging me to the door. “The sooner we get there, the sooner I get to meet Rudolph. LET’S GO!” Today was a day that is all so necessary in a young kid’s life and marks the first sign of maturity because today, kudos to the nonstop whining by my determined Teddy, we are going to see the legendary Rudolph.

The mall is packed when we get there and we have to fight to obtain a place in the oversized, sake-like line with mostly large hip bumps and a lot of mildly genuine apologies. By the looks of it, this was going to be a long wait and certainly not a pleasant one. But, weren’t all waits unpleasant? The anticipation and sometimes the pure boredom can certainly get to a person. I know it’s starting to get to me right now. But then again, wasn’t the wait worth it when I got to see Teddy’s face light up full of wonder as he got to behold the magnificent Rudolph, which was in reality most likely just a very desperate person who needs some cash due to his possible dropping-out-of-high-school problem and will go to any length to get some, even if that includes an oversized Rudolph one-sie with a flashing nose and ears.

By the time we near Rudolf, all of the granola energy bars I have brought with me have disappeared and Teddy is becoming very impatient. Yes, it was true that waiting was a miserable thing to spend the day doing and we were all tired and exhausted, but Teddy handled it the worst, he being the emotional kid he was. He is stomping his foot angrily and asking with impatient eyes:

“When do we get to see Rudolph; he has to go back to Santa soon and I want to at least talk to him before he leaves. He’s on a very tight schedule, you know, “, followed by a detailed description of Rudolph’s busy schedule and his devotion to help needy kids around the world. After so much waiting, I actually started to believe the words flowing out of Teddy’s mouth and up to that point, I know I am losing it, that much I could reason and I have to get out of here as soon as possible. So, I do the only thing a mother would do in these types of situations. I look in my bag and to my joy the water bottle I had brought still has a reasonable amount of liquid. I take the bottle and careful to hide it with my body so that others can’t see, I drop it all over the floor. Next, I grab my purse and roughly stuff it up my shirt, positioning it so that it covers my belly. Then, I shriek:

“Help! Help me! My water broke! Someone, call my husband, I need to get to the hospital… NOW!” I wobble over to Rudolph and start begging him to talk to Teddy, explaining that we had been waiting in line for a long time and apparently Rudolph’s weakness is women in distress, panting and in labor because he nods quickly and lifts Teddy on his lap. Yes! I want to scream of joyance when the meeting is over and by the look on Teddy’s face, I know that this will be a day he will certainly remember; I am glad and overflowing with joy.

And then, I hear sirens blaring and I know that the mall police have come to escort me to the hospital. Unless the nurses wanted to help me push out a purse, than it was time to go. I grab Teddy and we make a beeline for the exit, careful to dodge any police. We run to the car and I start it up. Just like that, we are out of there and cruising down Highway 18 when through the silence in the car, Teddy asks me with a genuinely worried expression:

“Mommy, is there any more water, or did all the water break back at the mall because I’m thirsty.” He then continues to complain: “Police officers are NOT nice. All they do is chase you around. Someone should tell them that they should be happier and more fun. At least I got to speak to Rudolph…” After a moment’s hesitation he asked: “Can you promise me something, mommy? Never break the water again, ok?” and I’m not sure if he is referring to the fact that we were chased by police officers or that I have no water to give him, but I still answer reassuringly: “I promise”.

 

The Most Beautiful Smile

The most beautiful smile I have ever seen…

Aah… what a sight it was to behold.

Once upon a time, there lived a delicate girl, quite pretty and smart. She had a beautiful gift; the gift of caring, the gift of love, a gift that allowed her to give, and give herself without so much as a second glance. She had the warmest of smiles, all teeth glistening white and polished to perfection, just like her very soul. Some said that she was an angel sent from above; others simply thought she was a beauty to behold… and it was true, she was simply beautiful in all the right ways. She would value others over herself all of the time, and although it was an incredible quality to possess, that same talent would eventually bring great misery her way, although she did nothing to deserve it.

Over time a great sadness gripped the hearts of the people around her and soon the poor girl was surrounded by suffering hearts, blown to dust by the cold and merciless wind. She hated seeing these individuals hurting so much, heads down, shoulders drooping, faces contorted in agony… You see, she was a magnificent soul, holy and pure and she just couldn’t stand people hurting, let alone people who she deeply cared about… And, as everything fell apart around her, she tried, bless her soul; she tried with all her might, sacrificing every bit of her precious time to help those around her. And just when she started to get a solid grip on the situation, just when things started to look a little brighter for everyone, she slowly started to fall behind in her work and the people she had once wanted to save were falling even deeper in the quicksand that had gripped them.

Without knowing it, she had befallen in the same hole that the same lost souls she had wanted to save had been thrown into, and her positive attitude and beautiful soul were progressively starting to falter; this girl was no longer the girl that she used to be and it pained everyone to see her undergo such a depressing transformation. She had lost her flair, her flame; she became more resigned and silent, offering only a nod of her head to someone who was looking at her, not the brilliant smile that she had before. Everyone was worried about her, for she was all they had. In dark times, she was the one who had reminded them what a luxury it was to be yourself, and she had slowly become the only thing that mattered to them and so they began to want more and more of her, fearing that she would one day cease to exist, the goodness inside of her, all dried up.

Little did they know that by this persistence, this wanting for her, they were slowly unraveling her; they were becoming the weight that was holding her delicate self down. At some point, this pretty girl could no longer cope with everything; she fell to the floor, eyes drenched in salty tears, soul deep in pain and agony. And yet no one saw her, no one even offered a second glance. After all of the times she had given all of herself to help others, after all the good deeds and the amazing kindness that she released, all the times that she had offered a helping hand without even thinking to ask anything in return, after all that, no one was there when she most needed it.

That was when I finally decided that enough was enough. I dragged her carefully to the bathroom and there I told her just how special she was to those around her, to me. I spent hours flattering her, for she deserved to be told what a wonderful spirit she was. Somewhere through that hopeful speech, I said something funny, what I do not recall, but it made her laugh… this laugh that had been hidden underneath the unsaid words and broken hopes, had been unearthed and in that moment… I was the happiest soul alive, to be able to have witnessed such a sight. You truly had to be there to have seen those pearls, flashing in her warm smile. You truly had to be there to see how her whole face lit up when she smiled.

I have never believed in a holy grail, in a silver lining, but in that moment I understood, why so many did. And in that moment I didn’t think about the people hurting around me, suffering every day, feeling as if they were lost, I did not think about my own hardships or the fact that I was wasting a lot of my time, here, right now, with this girl that I had come to know as one of my most reliable friends, no, in that moment I felt hope, hope that love truly did exist, and it outweighed all the possible shades of hate and agony that a soul could possibly be exposed to. In that moment, I realized that I had seen the most beautiful smile, one that is only witnessed once in a lifetime.

This girl was one of my very good friends and all of this and what happened is unfortunately true. Thank the heavens, she is now happy, or as happy as she could be after this dreadful period in her life. For anyone out there who is feeling the way my friend felt, well, never stop doubting yourself. You are full of beautiful things and don’t let anyone degrade your demeanor. 🙂

Viki 🙂

Love, It’s All We’ve Got

To love is to feel
To love is to create
To love is to make due
To love is to accept
To love is to forgive
To love is to let go
To love is to mourn
To love is to acknowledge
To love is to ponder
To love is to care
To love is to be happy
To love is to be free
To love is to lose yourself in the best way imaginable
But above all to love is the most
PRECIOUS
Thing a soul could learn.
Let love engulf you
Let it fill the dull, meaningless moments,
Let it drive you
Let it define you
For love is something truly precious
A higher law
That encompasses every emotion into one
Every experience all stacked up in a high heap reaching towards the light
Love is the only thing that is truly worth it,
Worth fighting for,
Worth sacrificing for
So no matter how fucked up it may be at times
Never give up on love
Because it never will on you
It trails behind you in your wake
So don’t question it
Don’t doubt it
Simply let love do its thing
Let love consume your life
Let it be your only goal
Let it be the motivation when you loose hope
Let it engulf you
And I can’t promise that your heart won’t be chopped up into raw,
Ugly-looking pieces
I can’t promise that you won’t be swept away in a whirlwind of dark-felt emotions,
And thrown aback quite violently I might add,
I can’t promise that all the happiness won’t be sucked out of you,
But I can sure as hell promise you that any amount of shit
You have to go through will be worth it,
Because once you have encountered that unmistakable feeling of love,
Every fucked-up misery you have faced will melt itself away
Because love is truly worth it
It god-damned is
So, love
Love until your heart feels raw and your muscles ache,
Love until you fall to the floor and still then love
Because that’s all we’ve got
And if every human soul accepted that,
The world could actually be
Beautiful

Dedicated to a very special soul: summersurprises and you can find her here: Amazing Blog Here.

What Death Means To Me

Death…

This word above is a scary word and has been a fear that has been gripping me for a long time and I have no idea how to make it find another victim or, better yet, dissipate entirely from the surface of the Earth. Some say that the best way to get rid of a deep, long-lasting fear is to face it, to encounter the thing that unsettles you, and once you see that you survived, to be humbled by it. And yet, I just don’t see a possible way for me to “encounter” my fear, for if I did, I would be dead and, I guess, that derives from the point that this saying is trying to prove.

So, how do I “face” my fear? Many have told me that talking about it and picturing myself in the situation of death, one in which my mind slowly eases off to where, I don’t know exactly, would help. But, that’s exactly it, isn’t it? The reason I fear death so. It is practically entirely do to the reason that I have not even the slightest idea of what to expect of death. I mean, death wouldn’t be nearly as scary if the process was carefully written down in a book, in full detail recounting the careful transition in which I will have to succumb to… But, that is not possible, for as long as someone discovers a way to overcome the powerful grip of death, no one will have a clue to what death stands for, really.

I guess, I am scared of the unknown and I am scared of not existing, for I do not see any truth in the whole haven-based theory and I simply don’t want to be erased, to be forgotten. For, someone once told me that a person does not die when a bullet breaches the core of their body, nor when a sharp blade slices it in half. No, a person dies, rather, when they are forgotten and I know that that is inevitable, for, even the greatest philosophers and the most important figures will one day be forgotten.

Knowing this, I fear, for, I can do nothing about the inevitable. But, I don’t want to fear because life is, well life and it isn’t different from another person’s life. The only factor that changes between the life of a soul and that of another soul is the way these souls choose to view the world, how they choose to interpret the situation. And, so, yes, one day I will die, but I will not let this fear consume me, and take away the good things that surround me right now, for they truly are glorious. I will not let death define me and I will certainly not let it spoil my life. For, it is the promise of death that makes life worth living.

With positive happiness,

Viki